Awake?

Sometimes we feel like we’re not sure if we’re quite awake. We tend to almost be in a day dream while real life goes on around us. We’re not victims of circumstance, it is what we choose. It is never what life presents us with; it is rather in how we deal with each event or circumstance. Escape is a choice we may not be aware of for it may be in our mind.

So it was with the young man whose father assured him of a need not to blink at areas that he did not want to face, as they may cause him to be blind to valuable lessons.

Then it happened and at first his reaction was one of fear when he learned the plant right next to his office building was destroyed that morning. His ride to work was as usual until he saw the smoke. Then he ran into the police barrier… he could go no further. On the way home as he switched on the radio to learn more, horror gripped his stomach and he began to feel knotted up. So he blinked and said to himself; well it’s a day off; hope we get paid for it. Everything on the radio was muddled or was it just his trying to ignore the facts. Many people were killed, the very thought that he might know someone or might have known their face, for he said good morning to so many. This left him reeling but still trying to ignore the knot in his stomach. At home his wife was found with her head bowed crying in front of the TV. Oh my god you’re OK were the first words she screamed at him as she embraced him and continued to cry. The TV covered every aspect as he sat there first thinking he was glad he was home. Then feeling sad for so many deaths, then sadder for their families, then being glad he was alive. Feeling overcame him and all thought was running together into cloud of unreality. Sitting in front of the TV that day numbed him and the phone calls never stopped; from is he OK to, were you there, what did you see… did you get any pictures? By noon his mind now sought new questions; would they stop the game tonight? Will I be able to go to work tomorrow? After attending Church with his wife and children the next morning to pray; a memorial service that evening and again on Sunday; all this still left him without consolation. If God was in this in any way he had missed it. Oh he needed God, but it seemed as if God didn’t meet him when, where and how he expected him to. He then became numb to every aspect, the TV replays of sorrow and heroism, the grim reminder each day he went to work and the subtle thought this could happen here or home… anywhere. Now time has passed and everything is still unresolved. Feeling had long replaced thought in dealing with this tragedy. They wrote notes to the families they knew, they contributed to needs and as involved as they were they were removed from it personally. Talk was always about others and they never spoke about how they felt as if to distance themselves from it. Anger, thankfulness, pain, sorrow, emptiness, numbness and fear held them in a what-next mode. Just too many unanswered questions. Death was the issue he did not want to face so he lived in a day dream of denial and his wife joined him. So, what’s resolved? The need for answers is still predominate but can you approach God? Can you deal with the pain? Can you deal with the fear? Can you and will you deal with death? It’s pre-eminent! How shall you live in the face of unreasonable tragedy?

Do you need God?

Will you seek him?

He is, the only answer?